Couples Therapy at Beehive Counseling & Wellness LLC

Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
by Sarah Branigan, LMFT

Being in a romantic relationship is not always easy. Different individuals with contrasting life experiences, personalities, beliefs, opinions and perspectives coming together does not often result in the enduring magical connection that many of us hope for. Behaviors and patterns learned and developed in both childhood and adulthood can create strain, disconnection, and conflict in even the most nurtured relationships. Life events can alter the way we view ourselves, our situations and our partners. There can come a moment when many couples find themselves recognizing that something has shifted in their relationship and wondering, “Where do we go from here?”. 

Enter: Couples therapy.

The reasons couples seek therapy are plentiful - no longer is couples therapy just for those in long term relationships or marriages exclusively looking to fix conflict. 

New Relationships 

Couples therapy provides the space for couples in the early stages of their relationship or considering entering into marriage to establish a strong foundation of trust and develop skills that support connection and communication through the various stages of a relationship. 

Transitions and New Stages of Life 

For couples moving through transitions or new stages of life (becoming parents, new careers, adult children leaving the house, moving to a new location, caring for aging parents, retirement), re-establishing their “normal” as they enter a new phase of life is critical. Couples therapy provides the opportunity for co-creation of goals and increased transparency of needs regardless of the stage of life. 

Conflict and Toxic Patterns

Habits, behaviors and patterns can often become ingrained in us in ways we can’t always recognize. Couples therapy can be utilized to support couples stuck in challenging and even toxic patterns to develop new ways of engaging and understanding one another. 

Infidelity and Trust

As the foundation of a relationship, the presence of trust is crucial for the strength of a relationship. Whether there has been infidelity or another form of betrayal, couples therapy provides the space for couples to rebuild and strengthen trust in their relationship.

Emotional, Physical and Sexual Intimacy

For various reasons, intimacy and connection can wax and wane over time. Couples therapy can enhance emotional, physical and sexual intimacy in any relationship. It can provide a secure space for curiosity, exploration and sharing to deepen connection as well as exploring and navigating desire discrepancy. 

Navigating Complex Interconnected Relationships

Whether a couple is collectively navigating complex relationships outside of their own (including relationships with exes, parents, siblings, colleagues or friends) or exploring the possibility of entering into an ethically non-monogomous relationship, couples therapy can provide space for enhancing clarity and strengthening compassionate communication between partners that can support navigating the complexities of these relationships. 

Separation, Divorce and Co-Parenting

Separation and divorce are never easy on anyone. Couples therapy can provide support for couples as they navigate what their relationship may look like through separation and divorce, particularly in instances where co-parenting will be present or the couple will be needed to maintain some level of interaction and communication. 

Regardless of the reason, couples therapy provides space to support enhanced communication and connection and strengthen emotional, physical and sexual intimacy for couples at all stages of life. The value couples therapy provides doesn’t exclusively benefit the couple. Individually, each member of the couple system can enhance interpersonal skills to support relationships outside of the romantic relationship and deepen understanding and awareness of themselves that can support individual growth. 

What Can I Expect from Couples Therapy? 

Couples therapists work to support clients from a neutral, unbiased place, promoting and developing a space for both individuals to be heard, understood and valued. This looks different from clinician to clinician and can include things like transparent communication outside of session with all members of the couple, “limited secrets” policies at the onset of treatment where all parties agree to transparency, and working with the couple to nurture a clinical relationship established on trust and mutual respect that allows for a safe and secure space to do the work needed to support the couple as they work towards a new phase of their relationship.  

Whether it’s a request, a plea or a demand that brings a couple into the therapeutic space, one of the initial tasks is to understand the driving factors that have brought the couple to therapy. These reasons can sometimes differ between members of the couple and working to establish and co-create goals that both members of the couple can agree on becomes a primary focus at the onset of therapy. 

Getting to know each other is an important initial part of couples therapy - not only does this provide insight into where the couple is hoping to move towards as a result of their work together, but it allows the therapist to understand the nuances of the individuals that make up the couple. When we enter into a relationship, our views, beliefs, history and families of origin come with us and these things can contribute to conflict, disconnection and patterns that result in unhealthy relational dynamics. 

Once the couple and therapist move beyond the “getting to know you” phase, the work can look different for each couple. There can be deep, uncomfortable processing of old events, sharing of thoughts and feelings that have been kept under wraps and even the uneasy recognition of how beliefs passed down from generation to generation contribute to the presence of discord and disconnection. Conflict can be present in the midst of a session, with the therapist using this to observe and better understand how conflict plays out between the members of the couple. While many therapists work from a space of recognizing that neither partner is the “problem” in the dynamic, it can sometimes feel as though one member of the couple is being focused on or highlighted in a session, potentially heightening the level of discomfort the individual is experiencing. 

Sometimes, sessions may feel more playful and fun, as the couple works to enhance understanding of one another and deepen connection through games and various types of interaction. Tools for enhancing communication, deepening understanding and intimacy, and effectively navigating conflict are all integrated into this work. Often, it is a combination of many of these things, gently and intentionally weaved together to build the framework the couple needs for support and growth. There is no definitive blueprint that outlines the process from start to finish, but instead a loose structure that is molded to meet the needs and goals of each unique couple. After all, couples therapy is about two humans collectively navigating their uniquely individual lives. 

For some, the journey in couples therapy is a short one, with the goals the couple has established being met in a short series of sessions. For others, it is a lengthy experience, with old patterns and behaviors continuing to resurface time and time again as the couple works to truly shift the dynamic that exists between the two of them. And at the end, the outcome looks different for each couple. Sometimes the path they thought they were on has changed and looks far different than the picture that they had painted at the onset of therapy. Often, the relationship takes on a different form in one way or another, with some couples recognizing that remaining in their relationship was not supporting or enhancing their well-being and others finding increased connection, understanding and intimacy in ways they could never have imagined and others. 

Engaging in couples therapy can provide opportunity for growth that can support people individually and collectively as they move towards healthier and more fulfilled versions of themselves. 

Contact us to schedule an appointment and learn how finding a couples therapist near you can help.